Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
