sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
