remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
