Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
