Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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