I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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