I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
