After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
