The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who died my cat blue again?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
