Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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