the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
