i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
