someone owes me an orgasm
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
