I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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