I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My life is pants optional.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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