I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
