I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we're so committed to being not committed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
