Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
