thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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