you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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