I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
