at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
