Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
