And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
