I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
