I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
