you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
