Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
