I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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