I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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