When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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