Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
