what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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