I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
