I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
