we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
