Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
please come you make the beer taste better
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
