Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As shirtless as possible
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
