remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
