he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
