I should be sponsored by Trojan
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
