Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
