I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
