franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
