Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
