there's paper in my vomit.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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