I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
