my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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