Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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