Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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