I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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