Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
