a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
