Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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